I (28F) have been with my boyfriend (31M) for three years. I’ve spent a lot of time with his family and have always tried to be generous on special occasions like birthdays and holidays. I thought we had a good relationship, but after this Christmas, I’m starting to second-guess things.
They invited me to spend Christmas with them—our second Christmas together as a “family.” I put in so much effort, carefully planning and wrapping thoughtful gifts for each family member. I spent hours shopping and wrapping, making sure each gift was perfect.
When the time came, I sat there watching everyone else open their gifts, even stockings filled with goodies. They even had gifts and a stocking for their family dog. But for me? Nothing. Not a single gift or even a card. This is the second time this has happened.
It’s not that I expected something extravagant or expensive. I genuinely didn’t need a fancy gift. But after three years, I thought at least a card would be reasonable. They are a well-off family, so it’s not a financial issue. It broke my heart because they’re the only family I have nearby—my own family lives far away. When I got home, I cried.
EDIT: Thank you to everyone who responded. You’ve made me feel less crazy. I’ve tried to address some of the questions people asked:
- Do I know their financial situation?
While I don’t know all the details, I did notice that the siblings received checks ranging from $350 to $500, so I doubt a simple card would have been a strain.
- Am I entitled to a gift?
No, I’m a grown adult and I don’t think I’m entitled to gifts. This was an all-adult Christmas gathering, and I wasn’t expecting anyone to create a magical Christmas for me. My issue is with basic etiquette and thoughtfulness, especially since this has happened twice.
- Am I breaking up with my boyfriend? Is this his fault?
No, I’m not breaking up with him over this. If anything, I blame him for a miscommunication and not handling the situation better. We’ve talked about it, and we’re working on a solution. He did his best to make the day special for me and gave me some lovely gifts. We still had time to celebrate together, which helped.
- Do I think his family are terrible people?
I don’t think they’re bad people, but this experience has shown me that our relationship is a lot more distant than I thought. Whether I was intentionally left out or simply forgotten doesn’t really matter at this point. I’ve decided I won’t be spending Christmas with them again for a long time. Instead, I’ll focus on making the long trip to visit my family or spending the holidays with friends.
Thank you to everyone who shared their kind words and advice. I appreciate you all, and I hope you have a wonderful holiday season!
