I (33F) found out something horrifying about a week before Christmas. While driving my FIL home from a doctor’s appointment (after a mild anesthetic), he casually mentioned that his parents “diddled” him and his older brother when they were kids. At first, I chalked it up to the medication, but everything else he said before that—expressing gratitude and sharing warm feelings—had been completely coherent.
That night, I told my husband, and he was understandably devastated. He admitted he’d always suspected something because his grandparents had always “creeped him out,” and his parents never allowed him to be alone with them as a child. I told him we couldn’t let our kids (9F, 3M, 1F) see them anymore—ever. He initially pushed back, worrying about the fallout it would cause. He argued that “they’re old,” “it happened so long ago,” “we don’t even know the full story,” and that “our kids don’t need to be alone with them.”
I countered that by not taking a stand, we’d be normalizing it. Someday, our kids might find out, and how we handled this would set the example for them. That argument hit home for him, and he apologized, agreeing that while it was a tough call, it was the right one.
We then approached my MIL to see if she knew anything. She immediately walked into the kitchen, made us sit down, and offered us coffee or tea. What followed was an emotional conversation filled with tears, apologies, and anger. She confirmed the abuse and revealed something even more heartbreaking—my FIL’s older brother hadn’t died in a car accident, as we’d always been told. He had taken his own life.
That was the last straw for us. We decided to completely cut my FIL’s parents out of our children’s lives. My MIL was heartbroken but said she understood and promised to explain things to my FIL. We told her it wasn’t her responsibility and that we’d handle it.
Since my husband couldn’t bring himself to confront his father, I took the lead. When I called my FIL, I gently reminded him of what he had told me. At first, he was silent, then exploded: “DON’T YOU EVER TELL ME I WAS ABUSED!” He launched into a tirade about how his parents “did their best,” were “young and dumb,” and “hadn’t found Jesus yet.” My husband, listening in, was mortified. Once he finished ranting, I calmly told him, “I can no longer allow your parents to see my children.” He hung up on me.
The next morning, my MIL called to tell us they wouldn’t be coming for Christmas and apologized profusely. Later that day, my SIL texted to say that she and her husband wouldn’t be coming either, claiming it would upset their father even more and make him feel like they were “choosing sides.” I tried calling her to explain that this wasn’t about picking sides but was sent to voicemail.
Our Christmas ended up being just me, my husband, and our kids. While it was a good day, there was an undeniable emptiness. I kept reassuring my husband that we made the right decision and that other people’s reactions didn’t invalidate our boundaries. Still, I could see how much the situation hurt him, and part of me can’t shake the feeling that I might have overstepped or been too controlling by taking such a hardline stance right before Christmas.
So… AITA?
