My sister, Jane (51), rarely communicates with the family. She doesn’t return texts, seems detached, and often appears selfish with her time. Despite this, I’ve tried to keep a relationship with her because I love my 11-year-old nephew.
About a month ago, Jane told me that I wasn’t allowed to be at our parents’ house when she visited with her son. She said she wanted time alone with our parents because she doesn’t get much of it. I could understand wanting private time with them, but if that’s what she wanted, she should’ve told them herself. Instead, she left me to deliver the message.
Recently, our parents mentioned Jane was coming to visit and asked if I’d be there. I replied, “No, I’m not allowed to be here when Jane visits.” I knew this wouldn’t sit well with my dad (90), and sure enough, he told Jane what I said—and he wasn’t happy.
For context, my dad has been verbally abusive to his kids all our lives. As the oldest, I’ve often shielded my siblings from his wrath. He’s called me names like “ct” and “stupid bch,” so I’ve endured my fair share. That said, he’s made significant progress after therapy and medication. While he still has moments of temper, I usually ignore his outbursts because, for the most part, he’s a kind, generous, and quirky 90-year-old.
Now, Jane is furious at me for “escalating” the situation. But in my eyes, I didn’t create the problem—she did. I wasn’t going to lie or cover for her to make things easier. She made the choice to exclude me, and I simply told the truth about it.
I’ve chosen to live near my parents to spend meaningful time with them and have worked hard to build and maintain our relationship. I’m not going to apologize for that or let Jane shift the blame onto me because she didn’t want to have an uncomfortable conversation.
This feels like part of an exhausting cycle where Jane puts me in difficult situations and then gets upset when I don’t shield her from the consequences. I’m seriously considering going no contact with her and setting up visits with my nephew through his dad instead.
So, Reddit, AITA for telling my parents the truth and refusing to cover for my sister?
