I (28F) recently broke up with my boyfriend (30M) because of his extremely close relationship with his mom. When we first started dating, I thought their bond was sweet, but over time, it began to seriously bother me.
For context, his mom is very involved in his life, doing things for him that, in my opinion, a grown man should be handling himself. For example:
- When she visits, she cuts his steak and feeds him bites.
- She washes his underwear.
- She runs his bath, helps him wash his hair, and tucks him in for naps.
When she’s around, he completely reverts to a child. He stops flushing the toilet, leaves messes everywhere, and generally acts like he’s 8 years old. The maturity and independence I initially fell for just vanish.
I tried to bring it up with him. I told him that while I respected his love for his mom, I felt there needed to be boundaries. He brushed me off, saying I was overreacting and that this was just “how they’ve always been.”
The final straw came when his mom stayed over for a weekend. He expected me to cater to her the way she caters to him—cleaning up after them, cooking every meal, and even participating in their bizarre nap routine. I felt like the third wheel in my own relationship.
After that, I told him I couldn’t do it anymore and ended things. He was shocked, accusing me of being “jealous of his mom” and saying I “just didn’t understand their bond.” Unsurprisingly, his mom called me ungrateful and immature.
Now, I’m second-guessing myself. I didn’t want to make him choose between me and his mom, but I also couldn’t envision a future where I felt like a side character in their relationship.
AITA?
