I (30M) have been dating my partner (29MTF) for the past six months. We met on a dating app, and things clicked surprisingly well. Our relationship was going great until a few days ago when she came to me with some big news. She told me she had been working through a lot and had finally come to terms with being MTF transgender. She said she was ready to start living her life as a woman.
For context, I’m gay and have always been attracted to masculinity. While I’m fully supportive of the LGBTQ+ community (being part of it myself), my preference is for men who identify and present as masculine.
When she came out to me, I told her I was genuinely happy for her and proud of her for embracing her true self. However, I also explained that I didn’t think we could continue our relationship. I was honest about the fact that I wouldn’t be attracted to her if she transitioned, or even if she began presenting more femininely. I thought it was better to be upfront rather than string her along.
She didn’t take it well. She accused me of being transphobic, saying I clearly only valued her for her physical appearance and not for who she was as a person. I tried to explain that it wasn’t about her worth but about my own preferences and feelings, but the conversation quickly spiraled. She left upset and hasn’t spoken to me since.
Now, I don’t feel I’m wrong for believing our relationship would have to end. But I can’t shake the feeling that maybe I handled the situation poorly and deserve the anger she directed at me. AITA for ending the relationship after she came out as transgender?
Edit 1: I want to clarify that any misgendering in my post is unintentional. It’s a habit from how I’ve been referring to her for the past six months before she came out.
Edit 2: When we met, she identified and presented as a 100% gay, masculine, cisgender man. Her coming out to me was unexpected, but I’m still incredibly happy for her and supportive of her decision.
Small Update: It’s been a few days now, and I tried reaching out to her this morning. My call went straight to voicemail, so either her phone is off or I’ve been blocked. I’m not sure what to do from here.
