First, I want to clarify that I’m not entirely sure my dad told me the full truth. I trust him, but it’s possible he exaggerated or left some details out. Maybe he even lied to some extent—I don’t think so, but it’s hard to know for certain. Most of what he told me yesterday was completely new to me, and it painted him in a very innocent light. This whole situation has me questioning who I can trust.
We had dinner with my dad last night, and the conversation mostly revolved around my mom and Mary.
Apparently, my mom has always been overly concerned with appearances, but when she met Mary’s mom, it took things to another level. Mary’s mom was constantly critical—of my mom’s parenting, her clothes, her house, everything. Whenever it was something my mom could change, she would change it immediately to appease Mary’s mom. That’s why I ended up in dance classes as a kid—because Mary was signed up for them. It seems my mom was pushed around by Mary’s mom a lot, and while I’m not a psychologist, I wonder if there’s some narcissism involved.
Mary’s family always presented themselves as “perfect”—a happy family with good jobs, a nice house, and a polished image. My mom bought into it and tried to mimic them, but as with any family, they have their flaws.
What really broke my heart was learning that my mom talked negatively about me to my dad. She compared me to Mary constantly, even saying she wished Mary was her daughter. She also blamed me for her inability to have more children. After a traumatic birth with me, doctors advised her not to have more kids, and apparently, she resents me for it. She hoped I’d fulfill her dream of having a big family, but I can’t have children. My mom never said anything directly to me about this—no blame, no comments about my infertility—but learning she harbored these feelings is devastating.
My dad admitted he had considered divorcing my mom multiple times but stayed because he feared she’d get primary custody. He’s now considering divorce again. When I asked why he never stood up to her, he said he didn’t think he needed to because she never said these things to my face. He told her to stop behind closed doors, which led to fights, but I never knew the real reasons for their arguments.
Adding to the mess, my mom recently contacted my future mother-in-law (MIL) to complain about my fiancé, Dave. She accused him of changing me and told my MIL that Mary claimed Dave was cheating on me. My MIL—who is an absolute angel—shut her down, saying, “Sounds like Mary’s projecting,” before hanging up. My mom clearly tried to stir trouble, maybe even hoping to create conflict between me and my fiancé or his family.
It seems my mom believes Mary’s accusations and has sided with her. I expected this, but I’m still incredibly disappointed. I’m debating whether to send her a final text explaining my decision to cut her off or simply go no contact without explanation. My hesitation is mostly because of my dad—his life is already stressful, and I don’t want to make it worse by putting him in the middle.
This whole situation has made me question everyone in my life. My mom’s resentment towards me has apparently been there for years, and yet I never noticed. Why didn’t my grandparents, my aunt, or family friends say anything? Did they not know, or did they just stay silent?
I’ve lost so many people I thought were important to me in such a short time. And now I’m left wondering how I could have missed all of this for so many years.
Also, yes, Reddit has become my new diary. Thanks for reading.
