My dad passed away before I (15M) was born, when my mom was still pregnant with me. My brother, who was 6 at the time, was deeply affected by his death. Growing up, my brother kept dad’s memory alive for me. Some of my favorite memories are of him telling me bedtime stories—not made-up ones, but real stories about dad. He only had five stories from his own experiences, but they were the best. He also shared stories he heard from dad’s family, though those were less frequent. These stories made me feel like I had a connection to my dad, even though I never got to meet him.
When I was 6, my mom met my stepdad. They got married after only five months of dating. My stepdad wanted to adopt me and my brother right away, but my brother was adamantly against it. He told our stepdad that he was a stranger to us and that it was unreasonable to expect that kind of relationship so soon. My brother wasn’t wrong—we’d only known the guy for three months at that point.
I wasn’t okay with it either, though I wasn’t as vocal about it as my brother. My stepdad was offended by both of our refusals. Over the years, he kept bringing up adoption—about five times a year. My brother was firm in his rejection and even told my stepdad he’d rather die than let him be his dad. I wasn’t as harsh, but I repeatedly said no.
My mom and stepdad didn’t take my refusal well. They felt it wasn’t fair for me to say no because I never knew my dad. My mom would blame my brother for “causing problems,” and my stepdad would guilt me by saying things like, “You should want a dad at your age.”
What Happened Yesterday:
Yesterday, my mom and stepdad sat me down again. My stepdad told me he wanted to adopt me and added that he’s tired of not having “kids of his own.” He explained that he can’t have biological children, so he wants someone to carry on his family name—and he wants that to be me. He said he’s tired of being dismissed as a dad and that if I don’t agree to the adoption, he’s done. He told me he’d either divorce my mom or cut me and my brother out of his life completely.
My mom tried to guilt me into agreeing by asking if I wanted her to end up divorced. I told her I didn’t care. I said I still didn’t want to be adopted, and I wasn’t going to change my mind just to save their marriage.
The Fallout:
My mom and stepdad were upset with my response. My mom’s family is frustrated with me for making things awkward, especially since we’re all together for the holidays. The atmosphere is so tense that I’m planning to spend the rest of the day hiding out in my room.
AITA?
All I did was refuse to be adopted again, and now I feel like the bad guy for ruining Christmas. Should I have handled it differently?
