I (28F) am preparing to have my third and final child with my husband. I have a scheduled C-section followed by a hysterectomy. This decision has been a long time coming due to the severe issues I’ve faced with my reproductive health. I started my periods very early (at 9 years old), and they’ve always been excruciatingly painful, heavy, and prolonged. Despite these challenges, I knew I wanted children, so I delayed the hysterectomy when it was first offered to me. While I don’t regret the choice because it gave me my children, enduring these years of physical torment has been incredibly difficult.
My sister (31F) has been struggling with infertility. She has tried various fertility treatments without success, and surrogacy has been suggested to her more than once. She was initially very resistant to the idea. In a different scenario—if I weren’t dealing with my medical issues—I would have willingly offered to be her surrogate because we’re very close. However, my body cannot handle any more pregnancies, and I need to prioritize my health.
In December, my sister directly asked me to delay my hysterectomy so I could act as her surrogate. I explained to her that while I deeply empathize with her struggles and wish I could help, I simply can’t postpone this procedure. My health is suffering, and I can’t endure this any longer. She was upset but told me she understood, even though I could see she was hurt. I thought we had resolved the issue without major conflict.
Then came Christmas. My brother-in-law (BIL) confronted me privately during the family gathering. He berated me, calling me selfish for prioritizing my own health over helping my sister. He said if I truly loved her, I would make the sacrifice, just as I had delayed the hysterectomy in the past for “selfish reasons” to have my own children. My husband and mom overheard and immediately stepped in. My husband told BIL that no one has the right to pressure someone into carrying a pregnancy, and my mom reminded him that this isn’t my fault.
The confrontation cast a shadow over the rest of the day. Later, my sister apologized for her husband’s behavior, explaining that they were both emotional and felt devastated at losing the chance to have a child biologically related to them. I reassured her that I’m here for her in any way I can be. However, my BIL wasn’t done—he later reached out to me again, reiterating that he finds my decision “incredibly selfish.”
AITA for standing firm and not delaying my hysterectomy to be a surrogate for my sister?
