I (42F) have two kids, a 16-year-old daughter and a 14-year-old son, from my marriage to my ex-husband (44M). Our marriage ended when I found out he had cheated on me multiple times, including at least 12 instances during my second pregnancy. It’s likely the cheating occurred throughout our entire relationship, but those are the times I know for sure. After our son was born, I ended the marriage, and we divorced.
Not long after, my ex remarried one of the women he cheated with, but that marriage lasted only a few weeks. He then met Janelle, whose age I’m unsure of, and they married quickly—less than a year after his second divorce. Janelle had children of her own, and over the years, my ex and Janelle had several more children together. Their relationship has been tumultuous, marked by frequent breakups and reconciliations, resulting in them moving a lot. My kids have always disliked going to their dad’s house because of this instability, and they’ve never had a good relationship with him or anyone in his household.
For a long time, my ex and I shared 50/50 custody, though he often failed to use his time. Sometimes he was homeless, sometimes too busy with Janelle or another woman, and other times he just didn’t bother to explain. To my knowledge, he now has seven biological children and four stepchildren, but I’m not entirely certain of the exact numbers because I don’t keep up with his life.
Two years ago, my kids told me they no longer wanted to visit their dad. I went to court to request a change to the custody order, which led to a six-month period of court-ordered therapy to try to repair their relationship with their father. However, he often missed therapy sessions, and eventually, the judge allowed the kids to choose whether or not they wanted visitation. They decided not to visit him, and I’ve supported that decision.
Since then, they’ve had no contact with him or his other children. This wasn’t an issue until recently when my ex called, insisting that our kids attend his 10-year-old’s birthday party. He said they needed to start showing up to the other kids’ birthdays because the younger children had been asking about them. I made no promises because I never intended to force my kids to go, especially since they’ve made it clear they want no part of their dad’s life or his household.
The birthday came and went a few weeks ago, and my ex has been harassing me ever since. He’s called me “disgusting” for not making the kids attend, claiming they need to work on their relationships with their half and step-siblings. He even sent me a video of the birthday child crying, saying it was because my kids weren’t there, though I can’t confirm if that’s true. Another video showed some of the other children saying they missed my kids and wanted them to “come home soon.”
Then, I received a text from an unknown number—presumably Janelle—calling me a “petty and heartless bitch” for not forcing the kids to attend these birthdays. She demanded that I make them be present for all their siblings.
I’ve documented all the communication but haven’t responded further. The texts have continued, and I wanted to ask: AITA for not making my kids go to their half and step-siblings’ birthdays?
