Advice Needed
I (28F) have worked tirelessly for years to save up for my own house. I have a solid job in software, which pays well, but saving for a decent down payment still takes a long time. Meanwhile, my younger sister (25F) is in grad school with barely any credit history. Recently, my parents (both mid-50s) found a house near them that they decided my sister needs. Without informing me, they made an offer—and now the deal hinges on me co-signing the mortgage.
The kicker? I only found out after the offer was made. My parents essentially ambushed me with, “You’ve got the best credit score—co-sign so your sister can get the house!” They even hinted that I should contribute to the down payment because, according to them, “you’ve got the money.”
Here’s the problem: if I co-sign, I’m financially liable if my sister can’t pay. She’s still in school, has debt, and no backup plan. On top of that, this could jeopardize my own ability to secure a mortgage when I’m ready to buy a house. But my parents are calling me “selfish” and saying I’m “forgetting family values.” My sister accuses me of “stranding” her, and my mom has gone as far as threatening to withhold any future financial help (like potential wedding contributions) if I refuse.
Some relatives think my parents are completely out of line for putting me in this position after they’d already made the offer. Others argue I should just do it for “the family’s sake.” I feel torn between guilt and anger at being forced into this spot. Am I the jerk for protecting my financial future, or are they wrong for trying to strong-arm me into co-signing a mortgage I had no say in?
EDIT: I forgot to mention in my initial post—I’m adopted. My parents adopted me as a baby after struggling to conceive. A few years later, they had my sister biologically, which they’ve always considered a “miracle.” Growing up, this dynamic often left me feeling like the “responsible older, adopted one,” while my sister was treated as the golden child who could do no wrong.
Over the years, I was expected to shoulder more responsibility, work harder, and generally support my sister whenever needed. I’ve worked incredibly hard to create a stable life for myself—excelling in school, earning scholarships, and eventually landing a good job in software. Yet now, it feels like my achievements have turned me into a financial safety net for my family.
As I focus on building my own future—saving for a house and investing in my career—it’s becoming painfully clear that my family sees my success as a resource for them to tap into rather than celebrating it for what it is. I love my family, but I can’t keep sacrificing my goals to maintain a dynamic where I’m never the priority.
Thank you all for the wake-up call. Update to come.
