I share custody of my 7-year-old daughter, Zara, with my ex. While we were still dating, my ex cheated on me and had a son (now 5) with another man. She has full custody of her son because his father is a deadbeat who only sees him occasionally. Meanwhile, I have majority custody of Zara, keeping her three weeks out of every four.
Outside of co-parenting, my ex and I don’t have much of a relationship, largely because of her narcissistic tendencies. For instance, she once expected me to pay child support for her son after I kicked her out, despite him not being my child. To make things more complicated, she’s even told her son that I’m his dad. Because of all this, I limit our interactions to the bare minimum—mostly just picking up and dropping off Zara.
This year, like every year, I went all out for Zara’s Christmas and birthday (she was born on Christmas Eve). I bought her 20 gifts, my brother got her 5, and her mother contributed 2. My ex didn’t get the bonus she was expecting from work, which left her struggling to afford Christmas dinner. She asked Zara to approach me with the idea of “spending Christmas as one family,” pretending it was Zara’s wish. Thankfully, Zara was honest with me about the situation.
I asked Zara how she felt about the idea. She said she didn’t mind as long as her half-brother didn’t touch her things. I agreed to enforce her boundaries. From what I know, Zara and her half-brother don’t have a close relationship. He’s the typical annoying younger sibling, and since they only see each other every three weeks, their bond is understandably weak—not that I care much about that.
Christmas Morning:
When my ex and her son arrived, Zara was beyond excited to start opening presents. We all gathered in the living room, and my ex was visibly shocked by the number of gifts under the tree. She asked me which ones were for her son, and I told her none—they were all for Zara because it was also her birthday.
Her face changed instantly. She pulled me into the kitchen, quietly fuming. She called me selfish and greedy, criticizing not just the quantity of gifts but also their value—Zara had already opened a new bike, a Kindle, and a chemistry kit. My ex was upset that her son had to sit and watch Zara open so many gifts while he only had one small book she could afford.
She demanded that Zara share some of her gifts and let her son open a few. I refused, telling her I wasn’t going to force Zara to share the presents she earned for being a good girl this year. That’s when my ex lost it, yelling at me in full view of everyone. She accused me of doing this to get back at her for cheating, called me cruel, and even labeled me a sociopath.
My brother overheard and tried to give her son some money, but I stopped him and told my ex to leave. I wasn’t going to let her ruin Zara’s day.
The Aftermath:
The next day, my ex texted me, saying I’d ruined her son’s Christmas because I refused to let him share Zara’s toys, and that he cried all day.
Do I feel bad? A little. But I don’t think I’m the asshole here. I promised Zara that her half-brother wouldn’t touch her things, and I kept my word. For us, Christmas Eve and Christmas Day blend into one celebration because of Zara’s birthday, so it makes no sense to separate her birthday and Christmas gifts into two events.
AITA?
