I (48M) own a vacation home near a ski area, a place I’ve had since before I met my wife and had kids (11M and 13M). My kids have grown up skiing extensively—25 to 35 days a year, with lessons and practice—and as a result, they’re excellent skiers.
After Christmas, my wife invited her colleague “Annie” and her family, including their 12-year-old son “Tom,” to stay with us for a few days. My kids don’t particularly get along with Tom, partly because he has a habit of exaggerating his abilities and trying to one-up everyone. His parents indulge this behavior, and we’ve learned from experience that his claims of being skilled at various activities are often exaggerated.
Annie and her husband wanted to spend their time cross-country skiing, so my wife volunteered to join them. She then “voluntold” me to take Tom skiing with our kids. My wife assured me that Annie had said Tom was a good skier. My kids and I exchanged knowing looks—experience told us otherwise. I told my wife I didn’t want to babysit Tom during our holiday ski time, especially since I hadn’t wanted her to invite Annie’s family in the first place.
We reached a compromise: I would show Annie and Tom the terrain we planned to ski. If they confirmed Tom could handle it, I’d take him along. However, if it became clear he wasn’t capable, my wife would need to come get him, and they could figure out alternative plans, like group lessons more suited to his skill level.
As expected, Annie and Tom assured us he was an excellent skier and could keep up. However, the moment we approached the easiest bowl on the mountain, Tom panicked and refused to ski it.
I called my wife to come pick him up, but she said they were in the middle of cross-country skiing and couldn’t leave. This wasn’t what we had agreed upon. With no other option, I took Tom to the lodge and arranged for him to stay in kinder-care. Normally, this program is for much younger kids, but since I know some of the staff, they agreed to take him. I left a voicemail for my wife and Tom’s parents to let them know where he was and returned to skiing with my kids.
We skied for three hours without hearing from anyone. When we returned, Tom was still in kinder-care and clearly unhappy. Later, my wife, Annie, and her husband were furious when they found out what I had done.
I explained that Tom couldn’t keep up and that it wasn’t a reflection on him—my kids have an unusual amount of experience. However, I had been upfront about the terrain we planned to ski, and we could have arranged something else if they had been honest about his skill level.
Adding Clarifications:
- I suggested hiring an instructor for Tom, but my wife dismissed the idea, saying, “Let’s see how it goes; Annie says he’s a good skier.” Given that a private lesson costs around $400, I understand why Annie wasn’t enthusiastic about it. Unfortunately, youth group lessons had already been fully booked.
- I did get a brief chance to see Tom ski on easier terrain before we reached the bowl, and he seemed like an intermediate skier. However, even the easiest bowl on the mountain was too much for him.
Was my decision reasonable, or was I being an AH?
