I (26F) have been dating my boyfriend (28M) for about three years. Things have been good, but I’ve always been upfront that I’m not ready for marriage yet. I’ve told him I need more time before taking such a big step.
A few weeks ago, we attended a big party his family hosted for his dad’s 60th birthday. I noticed my boyfriend seemed nervous, but I didn’t think much of it. Then, during the event, he gathered everyone’s attention, got down on one knee, and proposed to me in front of all his friends and family. I was completely caught off guard and panicked.
In that moment, all I could think about was how rejecting him in public would humiliate him, especially in front of the people he cares most about. So, even though I wasn’t ready, I said yes. Everyone cheered, and he looked so happy. I felt awful for misleading him, but I genuinely didn’t know what else to do in that situation.
Later, during the car ride home, I told him the truth. I explained that while I love him, I’m not ready to get married yet and only said yes to avoid embarrassing him in front of everyone. I thought this would be the best way to handle it—letting him have the public “yes” but being honest in private.
He was devastated. He said that by saying yes in public and then changing my answer later, I made things worse because now he has to explain to everyone that we’re not actually engaged. He insisted I should have just said no at the party if that’s how I felt. I apologized profusely, but he’s still very hurt and upset.
To make things worse, his family and friends have been calling and texting to congratulate us, and videos of the proposal have been posted online. This has only added to his frustration, and I feel terrible seeing how much this has affected him. At the same time, I can’t help but feel that he put me on the spot without considering my feelings.
So, Reddit, AITA? Should I have said no in the moment and risked embarrassing him publicly, or was I right to try to spare his feelings at the party and handle it privately?
