My wife passed away from a terminal illness five years ago. My daughter was 17 at the time, and her mom’s death deeply affected her since they were very close.
I struggled a lot in the years that followed. I had some very dark thoughts, which I shared with my sister, who has always been a huge source of support for me. She helped me through my grief and encouraged me to start going out again because she was worried about the state I was in. Over time, I began going out more, and she eventually suggested I start dating. She told me I’d grieved long enough and didn’t deserve to spend the rest of my life in sadness.
I tried dating apps and went on a few dates, but I was still grieving and couldn’t really connect. Then, last year, my sister set me up with her childhood best friend, Hailey, who apparently had always had a crush on me. I’ve known Hailey for years, but I was shocked to learn she was interested in me. She’s gorgeous, kind, and sweet, and I couldn’t understand what she saw in me.
We started casually dating, but very quickly, we realized we had strong feelings for each other. We made our relationship official, and for the first time in years, I felt something other than grief—I felt happy. A few months ago, Hailey moved in with me, and while I’m still trying to take things slowly, the relationship has been incredibly positive for both of us.
When Hailey moved in, I felt it was important to tell my daughter about our relationship. She wasn’t happy, which I understood. Over Thanksgiving and Christmas, when she visited, she made it clear she was uncomfortable with how “lovey-dovey” Hailey and I were. I tried to be patient and understanding, but she repeatedly said our relationship was disrespectful to her mom’s memory.
Last night, my daughter video-called me and brought it up again. She said my relationship with Hailey was hurtful and disrespectful, and even commented that I was never this affectionate with her mom. I hit my limit. I snapped and told her it’s none of her business if I date, and I don’t care if she thinks it’s disrespectful to her mom—I’m allowed to move on.
As soon as I said it, I regretted it. She broke down in tears and hung up the call. I feel guilty for hurting her, but at the same time, I believe she doesn’t have the right to control my life. She’s an adult now, no longer lives with me, and I feel I deserve some happiness after everything I’ve been through.
So, AITA?
