I (34M) have two sons (11 and 9) with my ex (34F). Our relationship ended when I discovered she was cheating on me with a man named “Luke.” Initially, she didn’t contest the breakup—until Luke disappeared after she informed him she was pregnant. She then claimed the baby was mine and suggested we try to reconcile. I told her we’d need a DNA test, but reconciliation was off the table.
She eventually gave birth, and DNA testing confirmed the baby wasn’t mine. Since we weren’t married, legalities like birth certificates were less complicated, though she still tried to list me as the father. Thankfully, she wasn’t allowed to.
Our co-parenting relationship quickly turned hostile, to the point where we were ordered by the court to use a parenting app for communication. Direct contact (texts, calls, emails) was only allowed for emergencies, but even then, I wasn’t required to respond unless it truly was urgent. She despised this because it limited her ability to pressure me into accepting her daughter as my responsibility—which I refused to do.
A couple of years later, she started dating a man named Shaun, who suddenly became her daughter’s “real dad,” giving me some much-needed peace. However, she and Shaun tried to meddle in my relationship with my sons. Fortunately, my bond with my boys was strong, and their attempts to interfere failed. After a couple of years, Shaun got her pregnant and left soon after their son was born.
Once again, my ex tried to get me to step in and take responsibility for her other kids. She even attempted to turn our sons against me. The court intervened, ordering her to attend therapy and parenting classes. Although custody remained 50/50, she faced potential fines for alienation. Around this time, I was also able to secure therapy for my boys.
Attending events for my sons became challenging. My ex would try to sit near me, and she had convinced her daughter that I was her father. I insisted she correct this misconception, as I wasn’t willing to take on her daughter just to spare her feelings. Her youngest son was too young to understand much at the time.
On four separate occasions, I tried to gain full custody due to the instability my ex was creating in our sons’ lives. Their therapist even testified that they disliked being with their mother and would benefit from more stability with me. Despite this, two different judges denied my requests, insisting on maintaining the 50/50 custody arrangement.
Fast forward to now: My ex has remarried and has another daughter with her husband. Initially, her husband tolerated her older two kids, but now he wants nothing to do with them. She’s admitted to me that her home life is chaotic and her children are suffering. Despite this, the court still refused to adjust custody during one of my attempts.
Recently, my ex asked me to step in and help with her other kids. I told her no, as I always have. She begged for assistance, and I responded that the only help I’d offer was taking full custody of our sons. She exploded, accusing me of trying to separate her kids and destroy their sibling bonds. However, my sons don’t seem to have a close relationship with their half-siblings, something their therapist has also confirmed.
Now, my ex is calling me an ass for refusing to help and for taking such a hard stance. She argues that I should be more supportive for the sake of our sons.
So, AITA?
