I (28F) have been married to my husband for several years, and together we have a blended family that includes my 12-year-old stepdaughter, “Emma,” who has lived with us full-time since she was 5 ½. I’ve always treated Emma as my own, even after having biological children of my own. I’ve never treated her differently, and I’ve gone out of my way to make her feel loved and supported.
The Issues
Over the past year, Emma has started lying habitually. Some lies are minor—like whether she fed the dog or did her chores—but others are much more serious. For example, she’s made up elaborate stories about being kissed, asked out, or getting into fights. She even continues lying until we present her with undeniable proof.
The biggest incident happened in December. One morning, while my husband was at work and I was catching up on sleep after a night shift, Emma offered to watch my younger kids (ages 6, 4, and 6 months). She assured me she had everything under control and asked me to set an alarm for 9 AM so I could get up soon after. When I woke up, Emma and the dog were gone.
My 6-month-old was crying in his bouncer, my 6-year-old had smeared dish soap all over the bathroom, and my 4-year-old told me Emma took the dog for a walk. She had no cell phone and didn’t tell anyone where she was going. After handling the chaos at home, I realized Emma had been gone for over an hour. I searched for three hours before my husband left work in a panic to help. We eventually called the police, and search-and-rescue dogs found her six hours later. To this day, Emma refuses to tell us where she was.
The Breaking Point
Today, Emma complained of stomach pain, claiming she’d been throwing up and had diarrhea for two days. I’ve been sick recently myself (cold, sinus infection, stomach bug, kidney infection), so I felt bad for her and decided to take her to the pediatric quick care. On the way, I asked if she was exaggerating and told her it was okay to be honest so we wouldn’t waste time. She insisted she was in pain.
At the clinic, the doctor recommended we go to the ER to rule out appendicitis. But while waiting, Emma acted completely fine—laughing, talking, and showing no signs of discomfort. After running tests, it became clear she’d been exaggerating. Meanwhile, I’m stuck in the ER, wasting my last free day before work, while my husband can’t help because he has no gas money to drive into town.
I was furious. When I got home, I told my husband that from now on, he would be responsible for everything concerning Emma: discipline, appointments, parent-teacher conferences—everything. He thinks I’m overwhelmed and overreacting. He also reminded me that I married him knowing Emma was part of the package.
Additional Context
- Therapy: Emma is already scheduled to start therapy next week. It took some time to set up, but I’ve been the one pushing to get her the help she needs.
- My Role: I’m not abandoning Emma or washing my hands of her. I still love her and will continue supporting her, but I need my husband to step up and understand how exhausting this has been for me.
- Family Situation: My husband lost his job during the December incident and hasn’t been working since. I work full-time and handle the majority of the parenting for all the kids. Emma’s biological mom is largely absent, visiting only on holidays or every few months.
- Discipline: Emma doesn’t have many privileges we can take away. She doesn’t have a phone, computer, or extracurricular activities. We’ve taken away TV privileges and increased her chores, but it doesn’t seem to help.
AITA?
I love Emma and have always advocated for her, but I feel like I’ve reached my limit. Am I wrong for asking my husband to take on more responsibility for her after everything that’s happened?
