I (31F) have three siblings: an older brother (32) and two younger sisters (27 and 26). When we were kids, our mom passed away from cancer. Just 18 months later, our dad met and married his second wife, who was also widowed and had three kids. After knowing each other for less than two months, they decided we were all going to be one big blended family.
Within a year, the idea of adopting each other’s kids came up. Three of us—me, my brother, and wife #2’s oldest son—were not okay with this. We remembered our late parents and didn’t want new ones. This didn’t matter to the adults. My dad told us that since our younger sisters and two of the step-siblings were on board, it was “majority rules.” At the time, I was only 10 years old, and it had been just three years since my mom had passed.
The house became a battlefield when we older three resisted. Ultimately, the adoption went forward for the younger four, but it was denied for the three of us who didn’t want it. The tension in the house was palpable, and the younger kids blamed us for ruining the “perfect family” they wanted.
Wife #2 and I clashed a lot during my teen years. She wanted to be a mother to me, but I consistently rejected her. I could be respectful if she acted as just another adult in my life, but I didn’t want another mom. She often expressed how hurt she was by our refusal to accept her as a mother. She once told me I needed to “grow the fuck up” and stop holding on to the dead, arguing that we still saw our late parents’ families, so it wasn’t like we had truly “lost” our parents. I told her she needed to grow up and accept that she couldn’t force anyone to see her as their parent.
There were repeated attempts to push the adoption through against our will, but legally it was rejected every time. We were even taken to a church therapist who tried to convince us to “submit” to the adoption.
Fast forward to today, and the relationships remain strained. My brother and I are no contact with our dad and wife #2, while wife #2’s oldest son has gone completely no contact with everyone, including his siblings. My brother and I have a somewhat strained but functional relationship with our younger sisters. They attended our weddings and have met our kids, but they disapprove of our decision to go no contact. They believe our kids should know dad and wife #2. I’ve explained that it wouldn’t be healthy, but they don’t really care.
Recently, one of my sisters sent me TikTok clips from a TLC show called The Blended Bunch, which featured kids who didn’t want to be adopted and a relative who supported them. My sister repeatedly compared me to that relative, calling me a “shithead” and saying I was wrong for not wanting the adoption as a kid.
After several comments, I finally told her that if watching those clips didn’t help her understand why I went no contact or how awful it is to force adoption on unwilling kids, then there was no hope for her. I also pointed out that she didn’t experience the situation the same way our brother and I did.
Her response was to call me ungrateful and claim the kids in the show (and us back then) were “brats trying to ruin a good thing.” She said my comment about “no hope for her” showed how repulsive I was as a person.
At this point, I feel like no contact will need to extend to my sisters as well, especially since the other one has the same mindset (even if she wasn’t involved in this specific interaction). That said, I’m wondering if I was too harsh or out of line. So, AITA?
