I (32F) have been low contact with my sister, Jade (33F), for almost three years now. I have been dealing with fertility issues and haven’t been able to conceive naturally or with fertility treatments. When Jade was pregnant with her third child, I had just finished another round of unsuccessful fertility medication. I was feeling pretty upset about the end of that chapter in my journey when Jade sent me a text out of nowhere, bluntly asking if I was pregnant yet. The tone felt harsh, but we’d been close, so I gave her the benefit of the doubt and replied that unfortunately, I wasn’t pregnant, but I wasn’t giving up.
Later that same day, Jade came over and announced she was pregnant again with her third child. She then told me I should stop making such a big deal about having kids and just be grateful that I get to spend time with hers. She mentioned that she had been ready to announce her pregnancy the same day I finished my treatment but refrained because she didn’t want people to think she was selfish. Then, in the same breath, she told me I should accept that I’m “meant to be a babysitter, not a mother.” She said I should feel lucky for what I have and embrace it because I could be more useful to her.
At the time, my husband and I babysat a lot for Jade and her husband. I had also been her second birthing partner for her first two kids because her husband struggles in medical situations. Hearing her dismiss my feelings like that hurt deeply, but I didn’t want to think the worst of her. I asked her if she was okay or if something else was wrong, but she made it clear she didn’t care about me or my struggles. She outright told me she was glad my treatment failed so I could “give up and focus on her kids.”
That was the breaking point for me. I pulled back from our relationship, and we’re no longer close. Jade was initially surprised but then called me selfish and said I was trying to be something I wasn’t “meant to be” (a mom). My parents were upset by her comments and asked her to apologize, but she never did. Instead, she defended herself, saying I could be more useful and claiming I wasn’t even that great of a babysitter anyway.
Since then, my husband and I have focused on staying mentally healthy as we continue trying to conceive. Therapy helped me process the breakdown of my relationship with Jade.
A few days ago, Jade texted me asking me to babysit her four kids. Two are in school, and I’d need to pick them up, while the other two I’d have all day. She said she had a doctor’s appointment, and our parents had already said no. I replied simply, “No.” She texted back, insisting that I had to do it because she couldn’t bring the kids to the hospital and had already rescheduled the appointment multiple times. I repeated my “No” and left it there.
Jade then blew up, saying I needed to “step up” because she desperately needed this appointment. That’s when I replied more directly: I told her she should feel lucky to have her kids and be grateful for all the time she gets to spend with them, using her own words from three years ago.
Jade went ballistic, sending a flurry of texts that I mostly ignored. She claimed I was out of line because a hospital appointment is a big deal.
So, AITA for using her words against her and telling her to feel lucky to have her kids?
