Here’s the background: My wife and I have been married for nearly seven years. Five years ago, she cheated on me with a coworker. I chose to stay and work through it, but over the past year, I’ve had growing suspicions that she’s cheating again.
Unfortunately, I was right. I don’t know who she’s involved with this time, but her behavior makes it clear. She lies constantly, takes no accountability, and somehow blames me for her actions. The gaslighting has been relentless, and it’s taken a huge toll on me. I’ve been battling depression, drinking too much, and dealing with crippling anxiety because I knew the truth but was made to feel like I was losing my mind.
Now, she says she doesn’t want a divorce but wants an informal separation. Her idea is that I should move out and get another place nearby so we can still “function as a family.”
Here’s the complication: Our son is actually my stepson. His biological father passed away before he was born, so I’m the only dad he’s ever known. I love him dearly, and he’s my only child.
However, my wife expects me to continue paying for our house (since I make significantly more than she does) and to provide additional financial support so she and my stepson can maintain the lifestyle I’ve worked hard to give them.
I’m struggling with this. I don’t want to feel like a doormat or cuckold anymore. I’ve given this marriage everything, and I don’t feel like I owe her any more love, money, or support after what she’s done.
So, I’ve been seriously considering leaving everything behind—moving to another country to restart my life at 53. It’s a drastic step, but I don’t know how much more of this I can take.
Am I the asshole for planning to start over and prioritize my mental health and happiness? Or should I stay, keep supporting them financially, and endure the situation for the sake of my stepson?
Thanks in advance for your thoughts. Much love.
