My ex and I have been divorced for two years, and we share two children, aged four and fifteen. Our older child, my daughter, is deeply attached to her father and has taken the divorce the hardest. She openly blames me for not working things out and believes parents should stay together for the sake of the family.
We’ve all been through family and individual therapy, but the results have been hit or miss. My daughter holds a strong belief that I should have tried harder to save the marriage. For context, I have personal trauma with infidelity—my father repeatedly cheated on my mother, yet she never left him because she didn’t want to be a single mom. Despite staying, she was effectively on her own since my dad was always off with someone else.
I promised myself I wouldn’t repeat her mistakes, so when my marriage became untenable, I chose to leave. Even my mother urged me to stay with my ex for the kids’ sake, but I knew I couldn’t go down that road.
Holidays, especially Christmas, are a particularly hard time for my daughter. Her father isn’t very reliable, and when he fails to follow through on promises, I inevitably become the scapegoat. She insists that if we were still living together, he’d have less stress and more time for the family.
Yesterday was the tipping point. Her father promised to take her ice skating but didn’t show up. Somehow, this became my fault. She claimed that if he lived with us, he wouldn’t have bailed. Exhausted and frustrated, I finally told her that if she truly feels that way, she’s free to live with her father. I emphasized that she’s old enough to make that decision and I wouldn’t stop her.
Now, I’m wondering if I crossed a line. AITAH?
