Throwaway account.
I (38F) have been friends with Jill since high school. After graduation, she met her now ex-husband and moved across the country. Even though we lived far apart, we stayed close, and she was even my maid of honor when I got married years later.
Jill left her husband when their third child was still a toddler. They had moved back to our city a year prior. She said her husband was a great guy but admitted she no longer found him attractive. They co-parent now, and he continues to be very supportive of her.
A couple of years after the split, Jill started dating Ed, a child-free guy two years older than her. On their first date, she got pregnant. They tried to make it work for two years but eventually broke up. Ed’s a good guy, though—he still includes her older kids when he spends time with their youngest child.
Now, Jill is dating Dave, a guy we went to high school with. He had a crush on her back then, and they reconnected recently. After about four months of dating, he met her kids, and things seem to be going well. When she came over the other day, she casually mentioned that Dave wants a child of his own. Then she said, “I thought I was done having kids, but I’m thinking of pulling the goalie.”
I was shocked. I replied, “You’re kidding, right? You told me it was a mistake when you planned a ‘surprise’ pregnancy with Ed. Why are you doing this again? If he wants kids, maybe that’s a sign you shouldn’t be with him. You don’t need to have a baby just to hold onto him.”
Jill got upset and said, “This time, I have my older kids (14 and 15) to help out. It’s like having two live-in helpers! Soon they’ll have their driver’s licenses and can take the younger ones to activities while Dave and I enjoy date nights.” Then she added, “Not everyone is lucky enough to meet the love of their life and live happily ever after! Get off your high horse.” She left in tears.
Since then, she hasn’t responded to any of my messages. My husband thinks I should’ve kept my opinion to myself. He told me, “You can’t change her mind; just be there for her when she needs you.”
Should I have just stayed quiet? Was I wrong to speak my mind?
