👨👩👧👦 Family/In-Laws
I (24M) have been with my fiancé (25F) for six years, and we’re planning to get married in the spring of 2025. My fiancé and my family have always had a strained relationship, but I thought things were improving—until this week.
Over the holidays, my sister (26F) and her boyfriend (25M), who only visit once or twice a year, came to town. I was excited to see them and planned a nice evening with my parents. My fiancé and I went to my parents’ house for dinner and games. She had a couple of drinks (I stayed sober to drive) and got a little emotional because we’d recently had to put down her childhood pet. My family seemed supportive when she talked about it, and the evening appeared to go well.
During the night, my fiancé received an email from work, which briefly shifted the conversation to her job. She works in an office, and after some light discussion, we ended the night on good terms and planned to visit again the next day.
The following morning, as we were heading back to my parents’ house, I received a text from my sister saying they were in my city (over an hour away). Confused, I replied, “WTF? Why would you guys do that?” but got no response. When I tried calling, neither my sister nor her boyfriend picked up.
Finally, I called her boyfriend, and he answered. That’s when I learned what they had done: they went to my fiancé’s workplace, questioned her coworkers, and claimed they “discovered” that she doesn’t work there (she works in the office, not on the floor). They accused her of lying about her job, why she left her previous job, and even about her past accident involving a car. They demanded I provide “evidence” and insisted I shouldn’t marry her.
To make matters worse, I had the call on speakerphone, so my fiancé overheard everything.
I was furious but tried to stay composed. I defended her, hung up, and decided we needed to leave. I went back to my parents’ house, grabbed our belongings, and left without further discussion. Now, we’re at home trying to process everything.
I feel deeply disrespected by my family’s actions. Going to my fiancé’s workplace and harassing her coworkers crossed a massive boundary. It’s humiliating and hurtful, both to her and to me.
I’m seriously considering cutting contact with my family over this, but I keep second-guessing myself. Am I overreacting, or is this the right thing to do?
