I (26F) recently hosted my husband’s two sisters, their partners, and their children. They live about six hours away and were passing through on their way to a camping trip, so they spent the day with us before continuing on.
One of my brother-in-laws (BIL) and I couldn’t be more different, and to an extent, the same goes for his wife, my sister-in-law (SIL). While she mostly keeps her opinions to herself, he’s outspoken about his political and religious views, often in ways I find uncomfortable. For context, a few years ago, he caused a stir within the family by wanting to plaster political messages on his work vehicles (he owns a business). After backlash from friends and family, he didn’t go through with it but still complains about feeling “silenced” and frequently mocks people who disagree with his views.
Despite all this, we’ve maintained a surface-level relationship. When we’re together in person, he’s generally polite, and we’ve even shared a few laughs over the years. I chalked up his strong opinions to cultural differences, as I’m originally from a less religious country. In eight years of being part of the family, I had never heard him make overtly racist remarks in my presence—until now.
During their recent visit, BIL casually revealed that he had bought a tattoo gun online and had tattooed a small but unmistakable swastika on his upper thigh. He showed it off, joking about how no one would see it because it’s always covered.
I was stunned. My husband and I discussed it quietly in the kitchen, deciding not to escalate the situation in the moment. We wanted to keep the visit civil, especially for the sake of the children.
After they left, SIL messaged me to ask if everything was okay, as she had noticed our reactions. While my husband and I hadn’t yet decided on a course of action, I took the opportunity to express how deeply uncomfortable we were with her husband’s tattoo. I told her we didn’t feel comfortable having him in our home anymore and that any future interactions would be civil but distant. I explained we would focus on her, the children, and my other SIL during visits, but we wouldn’t be staying with them or hosting her husband.
She was very upset and seemed fixated on why we didn’t say anything in the moment if it bothered us so much. I explained that I didn’t want to escalate things or create a scene in front of the children. I also admitted feeling guilty for not speaking up right away and being, in a way, a bystander to his actions.
I don’t regret setting boundaries or distancing myself from him, but I’m disappointed in myself for not confronting the situation head-on. Part of me feels like I failed to act in the moment.
So, AITAH for waiting until they left to address the issue?
