Story:
This happened two months ago, and my family is still divided over it. For context, I’m a 28-year-old woman, and my brother, Jake (30), recently got engaged to his long-term girlfriend, Laura. They’ve been planning a big wedding for next spring, and since I have a well-paying job, I generously offered to help with some of the costs, including covering the $5,000 venue deposit.
Now, here’s the backstory: For the past year, I’ve been in a relationship with one of Jake’s best friends, Tom. We decided to keep our relationship private because we didn’t want to cause any unnecessary drama within the family or friend group until we were sure about us.
Last month, during a family barbecue, Jake noticed Tom and I being a little more affectionate than usual. He pulled me aside and started grilling me about it. Not wanting to lie, I admitted we were dating but begged him to keep it quiet. I explained that Tom and I wanted to tell everyone ourselves when we felt the time was right. Jake seemed annoyed but agreed to keep it to himself—or so I thought.
Two days later, Jake decided to blow the lid off our relationship. He made a public post on social media with a snarky caption: “Looks like my best man has been busy. Congrats to Tom and my sister for keeping us all in the dark!”
It was a disaster. My parents were furious that I hadn’t told them earlier. Laura was upset, claiming the drama took attention away from their wedding, and even some of Jake’s friends started giving Tom a hard time. Tom was embarrassed, and I felt humiliated.
When I confronted Jake, he just laughed it off, saying he was “helping us rip the Band-Aid off.” I told him he had no right to share something so personal and that his actions had caused unnecessary stress for everyone involved. He shrugged and replied, “Well, maybe you shouldn’t have kept secrets.”
That was the final straw. I told Jake I was pulling my financial support for the wedding. At first, he thought I was bluffing, but I wasn’t. I called the venue and canceled my payment. Now, Jake and Laura are scrambling to find the funds, and my parents are furious with me for “ruining the wedding.”
Jake insists I’m being petty and punishing him for “telling the truth.” My parents argue that I should still help because “family is family.” But from my perspective, Jake crossed a major line by exposing something that wasn’t his to share.
So, am I the jerk for refusing to pay for the wedding?
