Let me tell you about my dear neighbor Karen—you know the type. Clipboard in hand, a self-righteous attitude, and an uncanny ability to sniff out “problems” that don’t exist. She’s not even on the HOA board, but she acts like she’s the self-appointed ruler of the neighborhood.
The drama began when I decided to brighten up my yard with a modest garden—just some daisies, tulips, and a few colorful additions. Harmless, right? Not according to Karen.
One afternoon, she marches over, clutching her precious HOA rulebook like it’s a sacred text. “Those flowers aren’t in compliance!” she declares, practically shaking with indignation. “You’re violating section 12.4. Only native plants are allowed.”
I tried to reason with her. “Karen, the HOA guidelines just say the yard has to be well-maintained. These flowers are fine.”
But Karen wasn’t having it. She insisted she’d report me because, as she put it, “rules are rules.” Fine, Karen. If you want compliance, I’ll give you compliance.
I got to work. After some research, I found every obnoxious native plant I could legally use. Thorny bushes? Absolutely. Spiky grasses? You bet. A monstrous yucca plant that looks like it belongs in a desert horror movie? Front and center. By the time I was done, my yard had transformed into a chaotic, post-apocalyptic jungle—all perfectly compliant with HOA rules.
A week later, Karen came storming back, her clipboard practically trembling in her hand. “This is unacceptable!” she screeched. “Your yard looks ridiculous!”
With the sweetest smile I could muster, I replied, “Oh, Karen, you were so right. My flowers weren’t compliant. But now, every single plant is native, just like the rules you pointed out. Isn’t it wonderful?”
Karen sputtered like a car with a failing engine and ran off to the HOA. They reviewed my yard and found it completely within the guidelines. To top it off, Karen got a warning for harassing neighbors.
Now, I enjoy my coffee on the porch, surrounded by my glorious jungle of compliance. Karen, meanwhile, avoids eye contact every time she walks by. Sometimes, it’s the little victories that make life sweet.
