Thank you all for your input. I reached out to my daughter through a family member on Facebook, and she, along with my son, came over to my house for dinner last night. I told them the goal was to have an open forum where we could voice our grievances and work toward resolving them.
My Daughter’s Grievances:
- She feels I didn’t try hard enough to reconnect with her after she moved in with her boyfriend.
- She also resents that I never tried to “accept” her boyfriend.
My Response:
When she decided to drop out of college and move in with her boyfriend, she said hurtful things to me and blocked me, which felt like a clear message that she didn’t want me involved in her life. As for her boyfriend, I can’t accept him because he’s cheated on her multiple times, doesn’t work, and contributes nothing positive. It’s hard to support someone who brings so much disappointment into her life.
My Son’s Grievances:
- He’s upset that I didn’t give him the extra money I had saved for my daughter’s college education.
- He feels I could have given that money to her when she got pregnant.
My Response:
I paid for his college in full, and he graduated without student debt. When my daughter dropped out, I redirected the leftover tuition money into my retirement savings. It didn’t seem fair to give it to him when I had already supported his education. Regarding giving it to her because she got pregnant, I feel that becoming an adult means being accountable for your decisions, including financial ones.
My Own Grievances:
- I’m deeply disappointed in my daughter for dropping out, moving in with her boyfriend, and choosing a path that has made her life harder. I told her that I worked tirelessly to provide her with a good life because she was my little princess, and it pains me to see her struggle now.
- I’m equally hurt by my son cutting me off and disrespecting me when I tried to reach out to him.
The Outcome:
Our conversation remained civil despite the emotional topics. However, they suggested I consider getting a reverse mortgage to give them their inheritance early so they can use it to buy homes. I told them I would think about it.
While we aired our frustrations, I’m left wondering if there’s a way to repair our relationships or if our differences are simply too deep.
