Hello, everyone. I wanted to provide an update since many of you were concerned for me, and a lot has happened.
TL;DR: Things turned ugly, but I’m safe. I’ve decided to get a divorce because my husband (let’s call him Rey) and I fundamentally disagree on what marriage should look like.
The Long Version:
The morning after I made my initial post, my MIL and SIL showed up at my house unannounced. At this point, I still hadn’t heard a word from Rey. It was clear they expected me to be alone, but luckily, my kids were with my sister (M) at my BIL’s house, and M was with me.
We all sat down for a conversation, though I repeatedly pointed out that this discussion should be between Rey and me—we’re the adults in this marriage, and there was no reason for them to meddle. They were deeply offended by this.
At one point, MIL said she didn’t understand what had happened to me and claimed I wasn’t the girl her son had married. I responded, “Of course I’m not. He married a teenager, and I’m now a grown woman.” That set her off, and she turned beet red, screaming at me. M stepped in, warning MIL that she would call the police if she didn’t calm down. After some insults—mostly accusing me of abusing Rey and being a terrible mother—they finally left.
A few hours later, Rey showed up. He didn’t come to check on the kids or see how I was doing. Instead, he came to berate me for how I had treated his mother. When M came downstairs, his tone shifted. He demanded she leave, but she refused, saying she’d stay upstairs unless I asked her to leave—which I didn’t.
Rey launched into a tirade, claiming I was a bad wife and didn’t love him because I didn’t want more kids. He accused me of blaming him for everything and insisted he was a great father. I asked, “Which kids? The ones you haven’t seen in three days and haven’t even asked about?”
When I told him the kids were at M and BIL’s house, he lost it, calling them vile names I won’t repeat.
Our conversation lasted an hour, going in circles without resolution. I noticed him clenching his fists and grinding his teeth multiple times, which scared me, though he calmed down after a few seconds each time.
Finally, I said that if he wasn’t willing to work on our marriage and thought he was entirely in the right, we should get a divorce. At first, he said, “Fine, if that’s what you want. Pack your stuff and leave.”
I started packing, and he ranted about how I’d struggle without him and how I’d have to explain to the kids why they were moving. I told him, “The kids aren’t moving anywhere. They’re staying in this house. Whoever stays here takes care of them.” He couldn’t comprehend what I was saying—I wasn’t about to uproot our children on top of everything else.
Suddenly, his tone shifted, and he said he was “willing to hear me out.” At that point, I was so furious I thought I might pop a blood vessel. I told him I didn’t care anymore—we were getting a divorce. The only things left to discuss were logistics and the kids.
When the discussion again went nowhere, he grabbed my shoulders and started shaking me. M got involved, and they began pushing each other. I called the police. We managed to push him out the door and lock it. He left before the police arrived, but we gave our statements. I stayed at the house, and while I’m fine, M ended up with a few scratches.
Since then, I’ve been bombarded with texts from his family. Still no word from Rey himself.
I’m moving forward with filing for divorce. In hindsight, I don’t know why I thought this could end differently, but I’m glad I tried to make it work—it just confirmed that this marriage isn’t salvageable.
For those who’ve read my earlier posts, I want to apologize for how I spoke about M. I was envious and projecting my unhappiness onto her. She didn’t deserve that—she’s been an amazing sister and an even better person.
Thank you all for your advice and encouragement. The internet can be a wonderful place, and I’m grateful for each of you.
