TL;DR: My out-of-state parents left my wife alone with our newborn the day after my heart surgery, seemingly as punishment for feeling slighted. Now I’m stuck mediating the aftermath.
Backstory:
This all happened a couple of weeks ago. I (33M) had a serious heart surgery and will be recovering until early February. Upon hearing about the surgery, my parents—who live out of state—quickly invited themselves over, saying they’d stay for the entire week (Sunday to Sunday). Their stated purpose was to “help around the house, spend time with the new baby, and visit me in the hospital.”
I thought, great! The baby is a two-person job, and having their help would make life easier for my wife during a very stressful time.
Timeline:
- Tuesday Night (Day of Surgery):
My wife came home after spending most of the day at the hospital. She was emotionally exhausted and in physical pain from not pumping milk all day. She went straight upstairs to pump and didn’t greet my parents when she got home.My parents felt offended that she didn’t say hi. After about 20 minutes, they went upstairs, handed her the baby, and the night ended without further incident.
- Wednesday Afternoon (The Drama Day):
My wife was leaving the hospital after seeing me choke on a breathing tube in the ICU for three hours. While driving home, she received a text from my dad:“Hey, I’ll be at the hospital, and [my stepmom] is leaving and staying at [my stepsister’s place] tonight.”My wife replied, “Okay, then I’ll need to ask my mother to come over and help tonight.” She drove a long way to pick up her mom (who doesn’t drive), grateful she could help.During this drive, my dad tried calling my wife multiple times, but she didn’t answer. This seemed to infuriate my parents. By the time she got home, my parents had packed their bags and told her they’d be staying at my little sister’s place for the rest of the week. They also said they wouldn’t be helping with the baby anymore.Opinion: This felt like they were competing in the Petty Olympics, and they went for gold—at the expense of my wife and newborn.
- Thursday:
My breathing tube was removed, and I was in significant pain. My dad stayed with me in the hospital until 2 AM. When I heard what happened, I confronted him. I grilled him about why he left, what went wrong, and how this wasn’t what the week was supposed to be. I told him he abandoned his post, likening it to a military failure.His only explanation was that my wife hadn’t greeted them on Tuesday. He eventually apologized, admitting he’d messed up, and said he wanted to see his granddaughter. I told him to stick with his decision to stay at my stepsister’s and that he made his bed, so he had to lie in it.
Conclusion:
I told my dad I was angry and wouldn’t be speaking to him until after my recovery. He respected that decision.
My wife is following my lead on this, but my biological sister—who has already cut ties with our dad due to issues with our stepmom—thinks I should cut him off too.
My Actions Going Forward:
- Limit their time with my child: They’ve proven they can’t be trusted to stick around in a time of need, so any future interaction with their grandchild will need to be supervised.
- Set clear expectations: They need to stop attributing non-actions to malice and learn to respect my wife.
I don’t understand how they misinterpreted my wife’s actions so severely that they packed up and left. My wife is one of the sweetest people, and everyone loves her. She may not always pick up a call, but that doesn’t mean she’s disrespectful.
Are my actions reasonable, or should I just drop the whole thing and try to move on?
